so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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