I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
