Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
