I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
