If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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