Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I look better un-naked...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
