Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
