Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
