My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
