she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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