Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
