She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
