i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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