birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
