Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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