we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
