So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
