I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
