'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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