I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
