you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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