i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
