We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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