He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
