Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
