Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm passing your future prison.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
