True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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