My room smells like vodka and shame
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
PANTIES FOUND
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
