I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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