Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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