3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What a dumb baby whore.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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