I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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