I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
