you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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