I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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