I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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