Your mouth is God's brothel.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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