This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
