I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need water and some morals
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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