How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
