You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
