No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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