It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
