Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
