The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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