I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
