i already hear my dad disowning me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
