Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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