I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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