May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
