If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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